Seishi Feud
by Setsuna529
Summary: Watch the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi duke it out-- in a game show!? PG-13 for language. Please Review!
1. Madness!

Update!: Basically I tried to make the fic a little bit easier to read. I separated lines and I also split the fic into two chapters. For those of you who have already read this fic, sorry, I haven't added anything new... lack of inspiration, really... or so my excuse goes. ^^; Anyway, if you're new to my fic, please keep reading and review when you're done! Thanks a lot! -Setsuna 

(Original) Author's Note: Well, first of all, thanks for deciding to read this. It's intended to make you laugh, so I hope that is what it does. I'm not going to bother with all the 'these characters aren't mine' stuff, if you're a Fushigi Yuugi fan/creator, you know which characters I did or didn't make up, and you know that I don't own them. Second of all, I hope I don't offend anyone, some may not understand my humor as well as others... if you read something in my fanfic that is highly offensive to you, please e-mail me: black_opal_33@yahoo.com I'd rather you e-mail me than leave flames (haven't had any yet! ...please don't break me record...). And, last of all, have fun, and I would appreciate it if you would review my fic. Oh, a word of advice before you start reading: you may want to start the coffee maker because this might take a while if you intend to read it all in one sitting. Thanks again. And to those of you who don't bother to read an insane author's ramblings... :P 

Host: Hello, and welcome to our brand new game show, Seishi Feud! This is the game show where two groups of seishi and their Mikos duke it out in order to win the grand prize! Now, let's meet our teams! On the red team we have the Suzaku seishi and their Miko, Miaka Yuuki. Tell us a little about yourself, Miaka. (holds microphone up to Miaka) 

Miaka: (chomps on microphone) I'm hungry. 

Host: (pulls microphone out of Miaka's mouth, looks at it, sweatdrops) We'll bring you something to eat after the show, okay? 

Miaka: (eyes get all big and sparkly) Double cheeseburgers? 

Host: Uh, yeah, sure... anyway, tell us who you brought along, Miaka. 

Miaka: I brought my boyfriend Tamahome and my friends Chichiri, Nuriko, and Tasuki. 

Host: And that's the Red Team! Now, let's meet the Blue Team, the Seiryuu seishi and their Miko Yui Hongo. Tell the audience something about yourself, Yui. 

Yui: Well, my name is Yui Hongo, I'm 15 years old, and Tamahome is MY boyfriend!! 

Host: I thought he was Miaka's boyfr- 

Yui: NO!! He's mine!! I love him more than Miaka does! (starts crying slightly) I don't want her to have you, Tamahome! (cries harder, turns to Nakago, who is next to her) Nakago, Tamahome's MY boyfriend, isn't he? 

Nakago: Don't cry, Lady Yui. He will be yours, in time. 

Chichiri: Is anyone paying attention to what they're plotting over there, no da? (nods head towards Yui and Nakago) 

Miaka: No. 

Tasuki: No. 

Tamahome: No. 

Host: No. 

Nuriko: No. 

Tasuki: No. 

Miaka: (stomach growls) I'm hungry. 

Tamahome: No. 

Host: No. 

Mitsukake: No. 

Nuriko: No. 

Tasuki: Yes. Wait, I mean no. 

Chichiri: Okay, just making sure, no da. 

Host: Anyway, if you can stop crying for a minute, could you introduce the rest of your team, Yui? 

Yui: Do I have to? Fine, there's Nakago, Amiboshi, Suboshi, and that one lady with the weird hair. What's her name Nakago? You used to go out with her or something, right? 

Nakago: Her name's Soi. 

Soi: (glares at Yui) 

Yui: So you DO love her more than me! I always knew that she'd come between us! (starts sobbing) 

Nakago: What? I didn't say that I loved her, Lady Yui. I - 

Yui: Don't say anything, Nakago! I could see it in your eyes! First Miaka leaves me and steals Tamahome from me, and now this! (sobs) Doesn't anyone love me anymore? 

Soi: No. 

Suboshi: I love you, Yui. 

Nakago: Yui, I - 

Yui: No Nakago! Go ahead and love Soi! (clings to Suboshi) See if I care! 

Host: Can we get back to the show now? 

Yui: Fine. Nakago, go stand by Soi. Suboshi is going to be next to me. You can be by the one you REALLY love! 

Nakago: Lady Yui... 

Yui: No, just go! I can't even talk to you anymore. (clings to Suboshi and gives him big gerbil eyes) You'll love me forever, right? 

Suboshi: Uh, sure. 

Host: Are we ready to start the game yet? 

Yui: I guess so. 

Host: Red Team? 

Miaka: (stomach gurgles) I'm hungry! 

Host: I'll take that as a yes. Well, since both teams are ready, let's play Seishi Feud! First, let's go over the rules of the game. Each team member will be asked to answer a question, starting with the Mikos and going on down the line. Team members cannot collaborate to determine the answer. For every answer correct, that team gets a gold star - 

Tamahome: What? No money? 

Host: The team with the most gold stars at the end of the game wins the grand prize. In the event of a tie, we will have a tie-breaker round. Now, if an incorrect answer is given, the person who gave the wrong answer will be subjected to having to spin the WHEEL OF SACRIFICE! Now that I've gone over the rules of the game, does anyone have any questions? 

Tasuki: Yeah. What happens whe- 

Host: No questions? 

Tasuki: I have one! 

Host: Then let's begin the game! The first question goes to the Red Tea- 

Yui: Why does MIAKA get to go first?! Ever since I started reading that stupid book, everyone's loved Miaka more than me! (starts sobbing) 

Soi: Took her long enough to figure THAT out. 

Nakago: Lady Yui, that's not true. I lo- 

Suboshi: I love you Yui! 

Host: (rolls his eyes) Jeez... Well, I know how we can solve this. Anyone have a coin I can borrow? 

Tamahome: (is stacking his money and counting it) 

Everyone: (looks at Tamahome) 

Tamahome: (looks up from his money) What? What's everyone looking at ME for? I wasn't paying attention. 

Host: Can I borrow a coin real quick? 

Tamahome: What? (guards money protectively) No way!! This is MY money, you can't have any of it! 

Nuriko: (punches Tamahome real hard) Just give the man a coin! 

Tamahome: (meekly) Yes ma'am, err, sir, err, Nuriko. (gives the Host one of his coins) 

Host: (takes coin) Thanks. (to Nuriko) Will he be okay? 

Nuriko: (shrugs shoulders) 

Host: (to Yui) Heads or tails? 

Yui: Both. 

Host: Ummm, you have to choose one or the other, Yui. 

Yui: NO! I want Miaka to have absolutely no chance in winning! (clings to Amiboshi) Come on Suboshi, back me up! 

Suboshi: Umm, I'm over here. 

Yui: (looks at Suboshi) So you are. No matter, Amiboshi's cuter than you anyway. 

Nakago: They're twins. They look exactly the sa- 

Yui: Shut up Nakago! 

Nakago: Yui... 

Yui: No, don't talk to me! I don't want to come between you and your "precious" Soi! 

Soi: (glares at Yui) 

Host: Yui, are you ready for your first question? 

Yui: You mean I won the toss-up? In your face Miaka! Tamahome is mine! 

Host: First of all, you aren't competing over Tamahome - 

Miaka: Says who? 

Host: (sweatdrops) Second of all, Miaka won the toss-up, answered her question correctly, and received her first gold star. 

Yui: Miaka's... beating me?? (looks at Amiboshi) Suboshi, Miaka's beating me!! 

Amiboshi: Uh, I'm Amiboshi, not Suboshi... 

Yui: It's not fair! I'M supposed to be winning! 

Soi: Well, maybe if you stopped complaining for once... 

Yui: Shut up Soi! 

Soi: Yeah? Why should I? Just because you're the Seiryuu no Miko doesn't mean I have to be nice to y- 

Nakago: Lady Yui, Soi, please. 

Yui & Soi: Shut up Nakago!!! 

Host: AHEM!! If you would PLEASE stop fighting, let's continue the game... or else I can just award the Red Team the grand prize... 

Yui: No! We'll play... if it means Miaka won't win. 

Host: Thank you. Okay Yui, are you ready to answer your first question? 

Yui: Hang on. (pulls out a book from her jacket. Title: Big Book of Game Show Answers) Okay, ready. 

Host: Umm, that's cheating... 

Yui: So? 

Host: I'll have to confiscate that book. 

Yui: Oh fine. (hands the book over to the Host) 

Host: (takes book) Okay, are you ready now? 

Yui: (takes out another book titled: Fushigi Yuugi Fanfic - Seishi Feud) Yep. 

Host: (points at fanfic) Uh, what's that? 

Yui: It's a copy of this fanfic. 

Host: Fanfic? Huh? 

Yui: Never mind. (opens book to a specific page) Okay, ask away... No!! 

Host: No what? 

Yui: You're going to ask me to hand the fanfic over to you, but I won't! (clutches book tightly) 

Host: How did you know I was going to ask that? 

Yui: (waves book around) It's all right here! What everyone's going to say and do! I can predict the future! 

Nuriko: Because you're a psycho? 

Yui: (sticks her tongue out at Nuriko, thumbs through the book and starts to read) 

Host & Yui: Yui, give me the book... huh? How do you know what I'm saying? Stop it! Grrr, give it to me! 

Host: (lunges for the book) 

Yui: (holds it out of the Host's reach and shakes her head) Tch tch tch. (laughs like an annoying weasel) I know everything you're going to say and do! (holds book triumphantly over her head) Nyah nyah you can't stop me! 

Tasuki: (aims fan at book) REKKA SHINEN!! 

Yui: (moves out of the way of the flames and pushes Nakago straight into them) You didn't think I already KNEW you were going to do that Tasuki? Stupid. I am the all-powerful Yui!! Fear me! 

Nakago: (is burned and coughs) I will... always protect you... Lady... Yui. (collapses) 

Soi: (looks down at Nakago) Get up you idiot. You're making me look bad. 

Tamahome: (to Yui) If that book holds the future, then tell us who will win the game. 

Yui: Hey, that's a good idea... I mean, I was just going to do that! I had the idea first, and I don't need YOU to tell me what to do!! (thumbs through the book) Isn't it obvious who's going to win though? (reads) Wh... WHAT?!?! MIAKA wins?! That can't be true! I'M supposed to win! Grrr! (throws book at the ground, hitting Nakago with it) 

Nakago: Ow... 

Miaka: Wait a minute, we already know that my team wins, so can we get the grand prize already? I'm starving! ...double cheeseburger... (drools) 

Yui: No way Miaka! I will NEVER let you win!! 

Host: Can everyone PLEASE refrain from arguing? I would REALLY like to finish the game in THIS century!! 

Everyone: (goes quiet) 

Host: Thank you. Now, Yui, if you have any other cheating devices with you, please hand them over or else I will be forced to award the Red Team the grand prize. 

Yui: Oh I hate ultimatums! (pulls a huge briefcase out of her jacket that's labeled: Super-Delux Cheat-Your-Way-Through-Life Kit) There. (gives it to the Host and pouts) 

Suboshi: (puts a hand on Yui's shoulder) Don't worry Yui. We still have a chance at beating Miaka, as long as we're... (pauses) 

Soi: (yawns) 

Tasuki: (all hyper-like) As long as you're what, as long as you're what??? 

Host: (looks at his watch) 

Suboshi: (stares blankly at Yui with his hand still on her shoulder) 

Nakago: We don't have all day, Suboshi. 

Nuriko: Can I smack him? Someone please say I can smack him. 

Chichiri: (clears his throat) 

Everyone: (looks at Chichiri) 

Chichiri: What? 

Tamahome: Are you going to say something? 

Chichiri: No, just clearing my throat, no da. 

Everyone: (goes back to waiting for Suboshi to finish his sentence) 

Amiboshi: Well, this is going nowhere... 

Miaka: Can we PLEASE just continue the game? I'm HUNGRY!! 

Suboshi: (continues to stare blankly at Yui with his hand still on her shoulder) 

Host: (to Miaka) Good idea. 

Yui: Yeah, MY good idea! Miaka stole it from me! 

Host: (sighs angrily) This is going to take forever... Putting Suboshi aside... 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Host: ...let's continue the game, shall we? 

Tasuki: No. 

Host: (face turns red with anger) All right, that's it!!! (to Tasuki) No more talk from you unless it's you turn! Understand?! 

Tasuki: (meekly) Yes sir. 

Host: (calms down instantly) Ahem. Okay then. Yui, it's your turn. Your questio- 

Miaka: I'm hungr- 

Host: (turns around angrily) No interruptions!!! 

Miaka: (gulps) 

Host: (turns back around) Now Yui. (hears noises behind him and turns around) 

Red Team: (is standing up straight, not moving) 

Host: (glares at the Red Team suspiciously, then turns back towards Yui) Okay. Yui, your first question is - (hears whispers and turns around) WHO'S TALKING OVER THERE?!? 

Red Team: (looks innocently at the Host) 

Host: (narrows eyes at Red Team, then turns back towards Yui, very angrily) Once again, Yui, here is your first - (turns around) 

Chichiri: (is holding some cards in his hand, quietly) Psst, Nuriko, I'll give you a Bulbasaur for your Zapdos. 

Nuriko: (quietly) Throw in a Pikachu and it's a deal... Hey, I think the host guy is looking at us... 

Chichiri: Right, we'll settle this later, no da. 

Host: (to Nuriko and Chichiri, slowly but loudly) Are you two done yet? 

Nuriko: Heh heh, yeah, sorry about that. (gives an embarrassed grin) 

Host: THANK you. (turns to Yui) Yui, are you ready for your first question? 

Yui: Well, actually - 

Host: (veins start bulging on forehead) YUI, ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR FIRST QUESTION? 

Yui: Yes. 

Host: (calmly) Okay then. Now, if you remember what I said at the beginning of the show, each correct answer will be rewarded with a gold star, and every wrong answer will make you subject to the Wheel of Sacrifice! Yui, here's your first question: How many hours are there in one day? Is it: A- 48, B- 16, C- 24, or D- 30? 

Yui: Hmm, let's see, uh... (looks around) 

Nakago: (holds up a big cue card with the letter C on it) Psst, Yui! 

Yui: (looks at Nakago) 

Nakago: (points to the card) 

Yui: Huh? (shrugs her shoulders) 

Nakago: (points at the card repeatedly) 

Yui: (looks back at the Host) Well, I'm going to have to go with letter... um... (looks back at Nakago) 

Nakago: (points to card) 

Yui: (looks back at Host) 

Tamahome: (to Miaka) Hey, isn't that cheating? (nods head towards Nakago) 

Miaka: (shrugs shoulders) I'm hungry. 

Yui: My answer is... letter... D. 

Nakago: (bites his lip) 

Host: Is that your final answer? 

Yui: (nods) 

Nakago: D'oh! (slaps his forehead) 

Host: I'm sorry, that is incorrect. 

Yui: Wh.... what? (looks all distressed) I... I got it wrong? But... but... (starts sobbing) 

Amiboshi: Please don't cry, Yui. 

Suboshi: (stares blankly at Yui, hand still on her shoulder) 

Host: Since you answered the question incorrectly Yui, you will be the first one to spin the Wheel of Sacrifice. 

Yui: But I'M supposed to win! Miaka's the one who's supposed to be spinning the wheel, not me! 

Soi: Oh boo hoo, poor little priestess! Just go spin the damn wheel, "Princess". 

Amiboshi: Don't worry Yui, I'll spin the wheel for you! 

Nuriko: Can he do that? 

Tamahome: (looks up from counting money) I dunno. (looks back down at money) Wait a minute, was I at 650 or 560? (thinks) Damn, I guess I have to start over... one... two... three... 

Miaka: I'm hungry. 

Tasuki: ... 

Chichiri: (nudges Tasuki) 

Tasuki: (looks at Chichiri) What? 

Chichiri: Aren't you supposed to say something here no da? 

Tasuki: No, my next line isn't for a while. Besides, I'm not even supposed to be talking right now, remember? 

Chichiri: Oh yeah. 

Amiboshi: (walks towards the Wheel of Sacrifice) 

Nakago: (light bulb appears above head) 

Soi: (looks at light bulb) That's a first. 

Nakago: Hey, wait a minute! (grabs Amiboshi by the collar) You're just spinning the wheel so you can get close to Lady Yui, aren't you?! 

Amiboshi: Well yeah. 

Nakago: Yui! If it'll prove to you how much I care for you, not Soi - 

Soi: (glares at Nakago) 

Nakago: - I'LL spin the wheel for you! (walks towards wheel) 

Yui: (shrugs shoulders) Whatever. 

Amiboshi: Huh? No way! (grabs and pulls Nakago's cape) I'M gonna spin it for her! 

Nakago: (pushes Amiboshi) Go home, little boy. Yui's heart is mine! 

Amiboshi: Little boy? Who you callin' a little boy, bitch? You wanna piece of me? 

Nakago & Amiboshi: (start girly-fighting) 

Red Team: (sweatdrops) 

Nakago: Hang on a sec... Aw damn, I broke a nail! 

Amiboshi: (sincerely) Oh my gosh! Are you okay? I'm so sorry! Here, let me help. 

Nakago: (gives Amiboshi this goofy stupid grin) Thanks. 

Guy In Audience: (stands up) Hey! Pansies! Why don't you spin the damn wheel all ready! 

Nakago: Don't go there girlfriend! 

Guy: What are you gonna do, call up those pansy-ass freaks Tomo and Ashitare to fight for you? 

Amiboshi: Hey, come down here and say that, fool! 

Guy: Fine, I will! (walks down towards the stage) 

Guard: (to Guy) Hey, you can't go down onstage! 

Guy: Outta my way! 

Guard: (crosses arms and stands in Guy's way) 

Guy: (pulls a bill out of his wallet and sticks it in the Guard's shirt pocket) 

Guard: Yes sir! Right this way sir! Shall I show you to the stage? 

Guy: Nah, that's okay, I'll just follow the pansy rays to their source. 

Amiboshi: (glares at the Guy) You're goin' down... 

Guard: (takes bill out of pocket and looks at it) Hey, wait a minute! This is only a buck! 

Guy: (walks up to Amiboshi and slugs him in the stomach) 

Amiboshi: Oof... (swings at the Guy's head with his flute) 

Jerry Springer: (walks out from offstage) 

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! 

Host: (to Jerry) Hey, who are you, and what are you doing on my set! 

Jerry: (waves a hand at the Host) Don't mind me... 

Amiboshi & Guy: (are fighting on the ground, grunting and growling like dogs) 

Two Guards: (walk out on stage and restrain Amiboshi and the Guy) 

Nakago: (walks up to Amiboshi and the Guy) Oh, come on you two! You both know that violence doesn't solve anything! 

Amiboshi & Guy: (hang their heads in shame) 

Amiboshi: I'm sorry. I... I don't know what came over me. 

Guy: Yeah, I overreacted. I just wanted you guys to hurry up and spin the wheel. Forgive me? 

Amiboshi: Yeah. 

Audience: Awwwww. 

Jerry: (walks up to person in the audience) Miss, what do you think of what's happened here today? (holds up microphone) 

Woman: (stands up) Jerry, I'd just like to say that I'm amazed at how far the flute boy and the other guy have gone. I mean, they went from tearing at each other's throats to forgiving each other. I mean, it makes me feel that - 

Jerry: (takes microphone away) Yeah yeah, that's enough. 

Woman: (sits down) 

Jerry: (walks up to another person) Sir, what are your thoughts? 

Man: (stands up) I think that they should shake hands and forget what all was said about each other. 

Amiboshi & Guy: (nod and go to shake each other's hand) 

Yui: What? Are you kidding me? Don't go shaking each other's hands you morons! 

Everyone: (looks at Yui) 

Yui: Nakago! Amiboshi was trying to win me over, remember? And Amiboshi! Nakago was attempting to steal the spotlight from you! Don't give me this friendship crap! I want to see you two fight for my love! 

Nakago: (takes out a fairy wand and puts a princess tiara on his head) Don't worry Lady Yui. I will not succeed... I mean, I will not fail you! 

Amiboshi: (holds flute out in front of him, is transformed into Luke Skywalker and starts swinging flute around, making lightsaber noises) I'll fight for your heart Leia... I mean Yui. If that's what it'll take. 

Nuriko: (takes out a bag of popcorn) This oughta be good. 

Chichiri: (takes some popcorn) Definitely. 

Miaka: (looks at popcorn) Pop... corn? POPCORN!! (steals the bag of popcorn and shoves the whole thing into her mouth) 

Chichiri: (looks at Miaka) Well, so much for that, no da. 

Ami/Luke: (makes lightsaber noises as he swings his flute at Nakago) 

Nakago: (holds fairy wand out in front of himself) Pretty Pink Barrier! (pink barrier forms around him and deflects Ami/Luke's attacks) 

Ami/Luke: (wipes sweat from brow; in whiny Luke Skywalker voice) This is hard! 

Nakago: (takes off his princess tiara) Magical Shining Pretty Princess Tiara! (throws tiara at Ami/Luke) 

Tiara: (cuts off one of Ami/Luke's hands) 

Ami/Luke: (looks down at his hand and whines) Man! That's the second time I've had that hand cut off! First by Darth Vader, now you! Why is everyone so mean to me? (sniffles) 

Nakago: Amiboshi... I am your father. 

Ami/Luke: Really? 

Nakago: No, you idiot. I was just saying that so I could catch you off guard... did it work? 

Ami/Luke: (shrugs shoulders) 

Nakago: Hey Amiboshi, let me see your flute for a second. 

Ami/Luke: Okay. (gives Nakago his flute) But it's a lightsaber, not a flute. 

Nakago: Err... right... (takes it) Ha! Now you don't have any means of defense! Ha! Ha ha! Ha! 

Ami/Luke: (gets really angry and charges at Nakago) Why you little! Get over here! (strangles and bites Nakago) 

Nakago: Hey, what are you do- OW! Stop doing tha- OW! I'll get you for - OW! Stop biting m- OW! (smacks Ami/Luke over the head repeatedly with his star wand) 

Ami/Luke & Nakago: (roll on the ground fighting) 

Yui: (to Soi) They're fighting... over me. 

Soi: (glares at Yui) 

Director: All right people, cut! Bring out the stunt doubles! (two Mexicans wearing wigs and outfits resembling Nakago and Luke Skywalker walk out on stage) Annnnnnnnnnd... action! 

Nakago Stunt Guy: (throws a fake looking punch at the Luke Skywalker Stunt Guy) 

Luke Stunt Guy: (pauses for a couple seconds, then does five back flips and lands hard on his back) 

Stunt Guys: (continue to fake fight) 

Nuriko: What is this crap? Chichiri I guess Nakago and Amiboshi-turned-Luke-Skywalker are bigger pansies than we thought they were, no da. 

Tamahome: Yeah, since they have to resort to using Mexican look-alikes to do their fighting. 

Host: Speaking of pansies, what happened to that Jerry guy and the irate audience member? 

Chichiri: (shrugs) 

Tamahome: I dunno. 

Nuriko: (to Host) It's been a while since your last speaking part, huh? 

Host: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do... 

Miaka: I'm hungry! 

Nuriko: (angrily) Again?! You just got done eating that whole thing of popcorn, bag and all! 

Chichiri: He's got a point, no da. 

Tamahome: Can you believe it? Those Mexican stunt doubles are still going at it! 

Tasuki: (aims fan at Stunt Guys) REKKA SHINEN!!! 

Stunt Guys: (collapse on the ground, are all burnt up) 

Host: (to Tasuki) What'd you do that for? 

Tasuki: (shrugs shoulders) I 'unno. I was bored. 

Host: ... 

Miaka: ... 

Yui: ... 

Chichiri: ... 

Tasuki: ... 

Tamahome: ... 

Mitsukake: ... 

Nuriko: ... 

Soi: ... 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, still has his hand on Yui's shoulder) Audience: ... 

Host: So, uh, what were we doing? 

Nuriko: I don't know... 

Chichiri: What happened to Amiboshi and Nakago, no da? 

Tamahome: (twiddles his thumbs) 

Police Officer: (walks in dragging Nakago and Amiboshi- who is back to normal, no longer Luke Skywalker- behind her) 

Everyone: (looks at the Police Officer) 

Police Officer: (walks over to the Host) Are these yours? (motions to Amiboshi and Nakago) 

Host: Uh, yeah... 

Police Officer: I caught them asking several women if they wanted to be 'the new Seiryuu no Miko' or something like that... 

Yui: (glares at Nakago and Amiboshi) 

Police Officer: ...and the women's husbands didn't seem to appreciate these two (kicks Amiboshi and Nakago) trying to run off with their wives. Now, I trust that you can keep them under control from now on? 

Host: Uh, yes ma'am. 

Police Officer: Good. If I catch them again, I'm taking them downtown. (walks offstage) 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, still has his hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Nakago & Amiboshi: (walk over to Yui, Nakago stands next to her, Amiboshi stands next to Nakago) 

Yui: (looks at Nakago and glares) 

Nakago: (grins sheepishly) 

Yui: (smacks Nakago really hard on the side of the head) 

Amiboshi: (snickers) 

Nakago: (glares at Amiboshi and pulls his hair really hard) 

Amiboshi: (shrieks) 

Yui: (kicks them both in the shins) 

Amiboshi: (falls down) 

Nakago: (winces) 

Yui: I can't believe you were trying to replace me! (sobs) 

Amiboshi: (stands up shakily) 

Yui: (sob) You heartless bastards! (sob sob) 

Nakago: (points to Amiboshi) It was his idea. 

Amiboshi: Nuh-uh! He put me up to it! 

Soi: Will you all please just SHUT UP already? 

Suboshi: (stares blankly with his hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Host: (turns to the Blue Team) All right, all right! That's enough! If you don't refrain from fighting I'll disqualify you from the game and give the other team the grand prize! Okay? 

Yui: (sticks out her bottom lip and pouts) Fine... 

Host: (turns to the Red Team) And the same goes for your team, Miaka! 

Soi: (whispers to Amiboshi) Boy, I wonder what he has up his a- 

Host: (turns around and glares at Soi) 

Soi: (smiles sweetly) 

Host: (mutters angrily, then turns back towards the Red Team; to Miaka) Do you understand? 

Miaka: Umm, I think so... 

Host: Okay, good enough for me. (turns back towards the Blue Team) Now, as you'll remember, Yui answered her first question wrong, and it's time for her to spin the Wheel of Sacrifice. 

Yui: I didn't get it wrong. 

Host: What? Yes you did. 

Yui: (through clenched teeth) I SAID, I didn't get it wrong. (turns to Nakago and Amiboshi, teeth still clenched) Little help, guys? (winks) 

Amiboshi: (blinks) Huh? But I thought you got it wrong... (looks confused) 

Yui: (makes a couple very exaggerated winks) 

Amiboshi: Oh... oh, yeah! (to the Host, tries to look very sincere) Yui did in fact get the question right. (nods) Yep, she definitely did answer it right. I'm sure of it. (turns to Suboshi) Isn't that right Suboshi? 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand still resting on Yui's shoulder) 

Amiboshi: Umm, okay, wrong person to ask. (turns to Nakago) You remember Yui getting it right, don't you Nakago? 

Nakago: Yes, yes she did. I distinctly remember that her answer was D. 

Host: The correct answer was C. 

Nakago: That's what I said. 

Soi: No, you said D Nakago. 

Nakago: (turns to Soi and narrows his eyes slightly) Yes well, I obviously meant to say C. 

Soi: Or maybe you're just saying that so your precious Yui can get off scotch-free and won't have to spin the wheel. 

Nakago: (gasps indignantly) I never! 

Soi: She answered the question wrong, and you know it! You're only agreeing with her to get on her good side again! 

Nakago: (covers his ears with his hands) La la la not listening!! 

Soi: What are you trying to accomplish here Nakago? She's fifteen for crying out loud! Maybe you should go after someone your own age! 

Yui: What, someone like you? 

Soi: (glares furiously at Yui) EXCUSE ME!! 

Yui: You're excused. 

Soi: (narrows eyes) I am NOT ANYWHERE near as old as Nakago! I'm only nineteen! HE'S twenty-five! 

Everyone: (gasps, except for Nakago who still has his hands covering his ears and Suboshi who's still staring blankly with his hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Chichiri: He's older than me... only by a year though, no da. 

Nuriko: You mean you're twenty-four? (raises an eyebrow) 

Chichiri: Didn't you know that? 

Nuriko: (shakes head) Jeez... you're OLD. 

Chichiri: (mutters) I'm not that old, no da... stupid cross-dresser... 

Nuriko: Huh? What did you say? 

Chichiri: (stares blankly) Nothing... nothing at all. 

Host: Can we get back to the game now? 

Nakago: (is still walking around with his hands over his ears) Not listening to a word you're saying Soi! I couldn't care less! 

Soi: (glares at Nakago) 

Tamahome: You know, Soi's not even saying anything... she's just kind of sitting there, glaring... 

Miaka: So? Since when do you pay attention to Soi anyway? (gasps) Does this mean that you're in love with Soi? (eyes wiggle sadly) You... you don't love me anymore?? 

Tamahome: What? No, of... (glances at Soi, then Yui, then Soi again) ...of course I love you Miaka... 

Miaka: Really? (eyes wiggle happily) Do you really mean it? 

Tamahome: Uhh... yes? 

Miaka: (clamps onto Tamahome's arm) Tamahome loves me!! 

Yui: (glares at Miaka) No he doesn't! He loves ME!! (runs over to Tamahome and clutches his other arm tightly) 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand held out where Yui's shoulder used to be) 

Yui: Tamahome's mine, Miaka! You know he never loved you! (grips Tamahome's arm tighter) 

Miaka: Nuh-uh! He's always loved me! (pulls Tamahome over to her) Isn't that right? 

Tamahome: Actually - 

Yui: (pulls Tamahome towards her) See? (looks at Tamahome dreamily) I always knew you'd come to your senses... 

Tamahome: I never said I loved - 

Miaka: (pulls Tamahome back to her) Aha! I knew he'd never go for an ugly whore like you, Yui! 

Tamahome: Wait, I didn't say - 

Yui: Ugly whore?! (pulls Tamahome over to her roughly) You're worse than I am Miaka! You're stupid, nauseating, and obnoxious, you never stop eating, you constantly trip over your own feet, and that's not even half of what's wrong with you! 

Miaka: (yanks Tamahome towards her) That's what's wrong with me? What about what's wrong with you! You can't talk without whining, you cheat, you try to steal my boyfriend, you lie, you... you... 

Yui: Is that all you can think of? You're pathetic Miaka... 

Miaka: You like Nakago! 

Audience: Ooooooh. 

Tasuki: (to Yui) She's got you there. 

Yui: Shut up, Fan Boy! (to Miaka) I do not like Nakago! Tamahome is the one I love! And he loves me! 

Miaka: No he doesn't! 

Yui: Yes he does! 

Miaka: Does not! 

Yui: Does too! 

Miaka: Does not! 

Yui: Does too! 

Miaka: Does not! 

Yui: Does too! 

Miaka: Does not! 

Yui: Does too! 

Miaka: DOES NOT! 

Yui: DOES TOO! 

Miaka: DOES NOT! 

Yui: DOES TOO! 

Miaka: DOES NOT! 

Yui: DOES TOO! 

Miaka: Does too. 

Yui: DOES NOT! 

Miaka: (grins) Okay, what you said. 

Yui: (blinks) What? (thinks for a second) No! I meant to say 'Does too'! (glares at Miaka) You're mean, Miaka! And I hate you! 

Miaka: Boo hoo hoo, Yui doesn't like me anymore. I'm so sad. 

Yui: (glares at Miaka) 

Miaka: (sticks her tongue out at Yui) 

Yui: Yeah, well, you're... you're mean, Miaka! 

Miaka: At least I'm not an idiot like you. 

Yui: No, you're the idiot! 

Miaka: Oh! Good comeback! 

Yui: (glares furiously at Miaka) I hate you. 

Miaka: So? What are you going to do, cry to Nakago about it? 

Yui: I've got a deal for you Miaka... 

Miaka: Oh? Is this another one of your (makes quote marks in the air) "genius" plans? 

Yui: (glares at Miaka) How about I just take Tamahome, and you can SHUTYOURFACE! 

Miaka: Hmm, that seems like a pretty good deal, but I think I've got a better one. How about I give you the finger (flicks Yui off), and take Tamahome for myself? 

Nuriko: Wow, was that just a complete rip-off of The Matrix or what? 

Yui: Jeez Miaka, can't you even be original? 

Miaka: (glares at Yui while pushing up her sleeves) I'll show you original... 

Yui: (cracks her knuckles and neck) I'm ready. Let's see what you've got. 

Tamahome: (steps between Miaka and Yui) Girls, girls, there's no need to fi- 

Yui: (looks angrily at Tamahome) You stay out of this! It's between me and Miaka! 

Miaka: If you want to do something Tamahome, stay out of our way and hold this up. (gives Tamahome a sign that has 'Go Miaka! Yui sucks!' written on it) 

Tamahome: (takes the sign and sweatdrops) 

Yui: (glares at the sign, then at Miaka) Now it's personal... 

Chichiri: Hasn't it always been personal, no da? 

Yui: (glares at Chichiri) 

Chichiri: Eh heh... (slowly backs away) I didn't say anything, no da... 

Nakago: (runs up to Soi and stands right in front of her, his hands still covering his ears) I can't hear you Soi, you old windbag! La la la! 

Soi: (glares at him) 

Nakago: I'm not scared of you! And I'm not listening to you either! La la la! You are the ugliest human being I've ever met Soi! Why you're even uglier than Miboshi and Ashitare combined! 

Soi: (narrows her eyes and clenches her fists and teeth, mouths silently) I will kill you. 

Nakago: Huh? (takes his hands off his ears) I didn't hear what you said... could you repeat that for me? 

Soi: (quietly) I said... (at the top of her lungs) I WILL KILL YOU!!! 

Everyone: (looks at Soi) 

Nakago: (makes a deer-in-headlights look) Uh-oh. This isn't good... 

Soi: Damn right! (lunges at Nakago) Come here you blonde-haired bastard! 

Nakago: (runs a few feet away and sticks his tongue out at Soi) You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Boy! (runs off) 

Soi: (chases after him) 

Nuriko: (watches them) Gingerbread Boy? What the hell? 

Tasuki: (shrugs) You got me. 

Yui: Tamahome is mine Miaka! 

Miaka: Over my dead body! 

Yui and Miaka: (lunge at each other) 

Tamahome: (eyes go wide) Yui!! 

Amiboshi: (eyes go wide) Miaka!! 

Tamahome: (restrains Miaka) 

Amiboshi: (restrains Yui) 

Yui and Miaka: (struggle to get free but can't) 

Amiboshi: Hey, hey! Calm down, the both of you! Let's settle this like adults... 

Tamahome: Yeah, listen to the pansy-ass flute boy. 

Amiboshi: Excuse me? 

Tamahome: (to Yui and Miaka, ignores Amiboshi) Listen, if it makes you two feel any better, I don't love either of you! (smiles warmly) 

Yui: WHAT?!?! 

Miaka: Wha... what do you mean by that?!?! (looks angrily at Tamahome) You said that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together!! 

Tamahome: (shrugs) So I lied. 

Amiboshi: (glares, mutters) We'll see who's the pansy-ass... 

Yui: But you've got to love on of us!! 

Tamahome: (shrugs) Eh, neither of you are that great of a find... 

Miaka: (thinks for a second, then looks at Tamahome) You love SOI, don't you?! 

Tamahome: (looks at Miaka) What? (blinks) 

Miaka: (turns to Yui) He loves Soi! 

Yui: That must be it... that's the only reason he wouldn't be able to choose one of us! 

Miaka: That bitch... 

Yui: I know! Stealing Tamahome from us without us even knowing! 

Miaka: How dare she! 

Tamahome: Uhh... 

Yui: (rolls up her sleeves and grins evilly) I say we go find her and teach her why no one ever tries to steal any guy from us. What do you say, Miaka? 

Miaka: (grins cruelly) I'm game. 

Chichiri, Nuriko, and Tasuki: (are sitting around talking) 

Chichiri: Hey, you know what would be interesting? 

Nuriko: No, what? 

Chichiri: If one of the Suzaku seishi and one of the Seiryuu seishi got caught in a very suggestive situation on live televis- 

Nakago: (falls from above, screaming) 

Everyone: (looks up) 

Nakago: (lands on Tasuki, eyes turn into spirals, tongue is hanging out near Tasuki's mouth, one hand is in Tasuki's hair, is straddling Tasuki's lower half) 

Chichiri: -ion, no da. 

Audience: (stares at Nakago and Tasuki) 

Nuriko: Hey, you're right! That IS interesting! 

Chichiri: (grins guiltily and scratches the back of his head) Eh heh... 

Tasuki: (struggles to get out from beneath the unconscious Nakago) Somebody get him offa me! 

Ratings Guy: What, are you kidding me? Our ratings are the highest they've ever been! 

Chichiri: (blinks) Isn't this the first episode though, no da? 

Ratings Guy: (quietly) Sh... shut up... 

Tasuki: (struggles more) Isn't somebody gonna help me?! 


	2. Madness!-Part2

Tasuki: (struggles more) Isn't somebody gonna help me?! 

Everyone: ... 

Cricket: (chirps) 

Camera Guy: (zooms in) 

Tasuki: NO! Don't zoom in! Get that camera out of my face!! Don't make me use my fan! 

Camera Guy: (zooms out and pans across Nakago and Tasuki's bodies) 

Tasuki: Gyah, no! That's even worse! Stop moving the camera! 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand where Yui's shoulder used to be) 

Soi: (walks slowly up to Nakago and Tasuki, looking smug) I didn't know you leaned that way, Nakago... (picks him up by the cape and drags him off of Tasuki) I'm sure Tomo will be pleased... (walks offstage, dragging Nakago, who is still unconscious) 

Tasuki: (as soon as Nakago is off him, jumps up and grabs Chichiri's collar) You just had to say something, didn't you?! 

Chichiri: Tasuki, calm down, no da! 

Tasuki: Calm down?! How do you expect me to do that, huh?! (shoves the end of his fan into Chichiri's mouth) You need to learn how to keep your big mouth shut, Monk-Boy! 

Chichiri: (protests as best he can with Tasuki's fan in his mouth) 

Tasuki: (gives Chichiri the Kiss of Death) Die, Monk-Boy. RRRRREEKKKKKKAAA!!! SHIINNNNE- 

Nuriko: (taps Tasuki on the shoulder) 

Tasuki: Huh? (turns to Nuriko) What is it? I'm kinda in the middle of something. (gestures towards Chichiri with the fan in his mouth) 

Chichiri: (waves weakly and smiles the best he can with Tasuki's fan in his mouth) 

Nuriko: Oh, sorry... Well, I just wanted to say that you sure are brave, Tasuki... 

Tasuki: (grins slyly and puffs out his chest) Oh really? Heh heh. (flexes his muscles slightly) How do you mean? 

Nuriko: Well, I mean, you didn't even sweat after all those people saw you underneath Nakago and also when you gave Chichiri that goodbye kiss right before you were going to burn him to ashes. 

Tasuki: "Goodbye kiss"?! That was the Kiss of Death you idiot! 

Nuriko: Sure it was. 

Tasuki: (glares at Nuriko for a second, then blinks confusedly) What do you mean, "all those people"? 

Nuriko: You know, the audience! (gestures towards the Audience) All those people saw what you did with Nakago and Chichiri. 

Tasuki: (stares at the Audience, frightened) All... of... them? (gulps) Th... there's got to be at least a thousand of them out there... 

Nuriko: Oh come on, there's not that many... 

Tasuki: (relaxes slightly) Yeah, I guess you're right... 

Nuriko: Yeah, you were forgetting about all the people at home watching right now! I mean, there's got to be millions of people watching you right now! 

Tasuki: (drops his fan, is paralyzed with fear) 

Chichiri: (gives Nuriko a thumbs-up and sneaks off over to where Tamahome, Yui, and Miaka are standing) 

Miaka: (is holding a clipboard and pen) 

Yui: (is filling a bag with assorted weapons and firearms) 

Miaka: Uzi. 

Yui: (picks up a gun from a huge pile of weapons sitting next to her) Check. (drops gun in bag) 

Miaka: (checks something off on paper on the clipboard) Lead pipe. 

Yui: (picks up pipe and drops it in the bag) Check. 

Miaka: (checks it off) Cattle prod. 

Yui: (picks it up, drops it in the bag) Check. 

Miaka: (checks it off) Butcher knife. 

Yui: (nods) Check. 

Miaka: Whip and mace? 

Yui: Double check. 

Miaka: Meat hook. 

Yui: Yup. 

Miaka: Hockey mask. 

Yui: Hockey mask? (looks at Miaka questionably) 

Miaka: (nods) 

Yui: (shrugs and looks through pile of weapons, picks up mask and puts it in bag) Check. Anything else? 

Miaka: (looks at checklist questionably) N2 mine? (looks at Yui) 

Yui: (shrugs and looks through the pile, pulls out nuclear-bomb-shaped object clearly marked 'N2 Mine') 

Boy: (walks up to Miaka and Yui) Uh, hi. My name's Shinji. (motions to N2 mine) That's mine... can I have it back? 

Yui: (looks at Miaka) 

Miaka: (shrugs) 

Yui: (hands N2 mine to Shinji) Whatever. 

Shinji: (nods and takes N2 mine) Thanks. (runs off) 

Yui: So, do we have everything? 

Miaka: (nods) I think so. 

Yui: (picks up bag) Okay, let's go. 

Miaka: (goes over to Tamahome and kisses him on the cheek) Don't worry sweetie, Yui and I will take care of that mean, nasty Soi who's trying to steal you away! 

Tamahome: But I don't like Soi! 

Yui: Not after we're done with her, you won't! 

Miaka and Yui: (runs offstage in the same direction Soi and Nakago went) 

Tamahome: But... 

Tasuki: (shakes nervously, still staring at the Audience) M... millions? Of p-people watching me? 

Nuriko: Yup! I bet even Hotohori, Chiriko, and Mitsukake are watching! (waves to the camera) Hi guys! 

Tasuki: (gulps) 

Nuriko: Oh, what are you so worried about anyway? That people are going to think you're gay or something? (laughs) 

Tasuki: (stares at the Audience, scared and nervous) I'm n-not gay... 

Nuriko: It's okay, you don't have to pretend anymore! We're all friends here! With the exception of that guy. (points at a sinister-looking guy in the second row) 

Sinister-Looking Guy: (glares) 

Nuriko: You don't have to keep it in anymore Tasuki. Just be who you really are inside. 

Tasuki: (relaxes a little) You're right Nuriko, it's time I showed my true self. (to Everyone) All right! I admit it! I am gay! 

Everyone: (gasps) 

Nuriko: (looks at Tasuki) Oh my gosh! I was just kidding! You mean you really are gay!? 

Tasuki: (eyes get huge) What?! No, no, of course not! I was just kidding! 

Audience: (murmurs) 

Tasuki: (angrily at Audience) Hey, HEY! I said I was just kidding! I am NOT gay! It was a publicity stunt! I'M NOT GAY!! (picks up his fan and points it at the Audience) RREKKAA SHINNE- 

Nuriko: Calm down Tasuki... we know you were just kidding... (to Audience) Isn't that right? 

Audience: (nods in unison) 

Tasuki: Okay okay... (walks over to Tamahome and Chichiri) 

Nuriko: (winks at Audience as soon as Tasuki's back is turned) 

Audience: (laughs hysterically) 

Tasuki: (turns around and points fan at Audience) Hey! What are you laughing - 

Audience: (is absolutely silent) 

Cricket: (chirps) 

Tasuki: - at. (blinks) 

Host: (is offstage drinking a cup of coffee and reading a newspaper) 

Assistant Guy: (walks up to Host) Umm... excuse me... 

Host: (looks up from newspaper) Huh? What is it? 

Assistant Guy: Umm... well, you see... (looks really nervous) The producers... of the show... they think that maybe... you know... it's just a suggestion, but... they thought maybe you should... you know... go back to hosting the show? 

Host: Hmmm... (looks at the Assistant Guy, then looks towards the stage, then back at the guy) You're probably right... (stretches slowly, then makes his way back towards the stage, to both teams) All right, come on, enough fun and games, we have a game to play here people! (watches the team members take their places, looks at the teams and blinks) Where's the rest of them? 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand where Yui's shoulder used to be) 

Host: (to Red Team) Where's Miaka? 

Tamahome: (quietly) She fought against one of the Seiryuu Seven... just before you got here. 

Host: (eyes go slightly wider) What?! 

Tamahome: Huh? (blinks, thinks about what he just said) Oh heh I mean... She went with Yui to find Soi who ran off with Nakago through that door over there. (points at door) 

Host: (sighs angrily and heads towards door, hesitates for a moment and turns towards both teams) Don't move or go anywhere until I get back. Understand? 

Both Teams: (nod) 

Host: (turns back towards door, opens it, walks through it, and shuts it behind him) 

Chichiri: (to Tasuki) Hey Tasuki, look at the end of your fan, no da. 

Tasuki: (blinks) What? Why? 

Chichiri: Just do it, no da. 

Tasuki: (points fan at face and looks at it) Oookay. 

Chichiri: Now say "N". 

Tasuki: (raises an eyebrow) "N"? Wh- 

Fan: (shoots out flames directly into Tasuki's face) 

Tasuki: -y... (coughs out smoke) 

Chichiri: Rule #3 of the Magic Users Handbook: "Always finish any spell you're casting or else be sure to cast a cancellation spell; Otherwise, your own magic could be used against you." 

Tamahome and Nuriko: (try not to laugh at Tasuki) 

Chichiri: (tries not to grin) 

Tasuki: (grabs Chichiri's collar and glares at him angrily)You're going to pay for that! (shoves fan into Chichiri's stomach) 

Chichiri: Hey, wait, calm down! Think about what you're doing no da! 

Tasuki: I know exactly what I'm doin'! (hears laughing behind him, whirls around and points fan at Tamahome and Tasuki) You two better shut up before I fry ya! 

Nuriko: Jeez, just calm down, Gay Boy. 

Everyone: (laughs) 

Tasuki: Shut up! I'm not gay!! 

Everyone: (laughs harder) 

Tasuki: Shut up! Stop laughing! Don't make me fry all of you! 

Everyone: (keeps laughing) 

Tasuki: (tears start to well up in eyes) C'mon... it's not funny... (wipes tears away) Stop being so mean... 

Everyone: (stops laughing and looks at Tasuki sympathetically except Tamahome) 

Tamahome: Boo hoo hoo! We made the big baby cry! You're such a wuss Tasuki! 

Tasuki: (lip trembles) 

Everyone: (looks at Tamahome angrily) 

Chichiri: That was really mean no da! 

Nuriko: Really! We were just kidding around! You don't know when you've gone too far... 

Tamahome: But... I... I was just trying to be funny... that's all... 

Tasuki: You're such a jerk, Tamahome. 

Tamahome: I just thought... (trails off) 

Everyone: (is mad at Tamahome) 

Tamahome: (to Tasuki) Look, I'm sorry... 

Tasuki: (turns his back to Tamahome) 

Everyone: (sits in silence) 

Host: (bursts out through the door he had gone through earlier and slams it behind him, clothes are all torn up, breathing heavily) 

Everyone: (looks at Host) 

Host: (looks at Everyone, bewildered) It's a battlefield in there! (gasps for breath) I... didn't think I'd make it out alive! 

Nuriko: (unemotionally) Uh oh, Miaka might be in trouble... quick, all of us, let's go rescue her... (starts filing his nails) 

Red Team: (shows no intention of going anywhere) 

Tasuki: (sighs) Come on... we should probably do something... 

Tamahome: (sighs) Yeah, you're probably right... 

Chichiri: (stretches slowly and yawns) All right... let's go save Miaka... AGAIN... 

Red Team: (trudges off slowly towards the door) 

Nuriko: You'd think she'd be able to get out of these situations herself... 

Chichiri: Knowing her, they've probably taken a meat pie hostage and she can't bring herself to leave without it no da. 

Red Team: (chuckles) 

Tamahome: (goes to the door and opens it) 

Host: I wouldn't go in there if I were you... 

Tamahome: (shrugs and walks through the doorway) 

Tasuki: (follows him) 

Chichiri: (yawns again and walks through doorway) 

Nuriko: (steps into doorway) 

Amiboshi: Hey, wait! (runs over to Nuriko) I'm coming with you. 

Nuriko: I think we can handle it... you stay here and entertain the audience. (walks through doorway) 

Amiboshi: But... 

Nuriko: (shuts door) 

Amiboshi: (sighs and trudges back towards the stage and takes out his flute, starts playing) 

Audience: (starts booing) 

Amiboshi: (keeps playing) 

Some Guy: Get off the stage! 

Someone Else: (throws a shoe at Amiboshi) 

Amiboshi: (dodges shoe, keeps playing) 

Woman: Shut up! 

Amiboshi: (plays several long, obnoxious, really high notes) 

Audience: (murmurs angrily) 

Amiboshi: (finishes his song and bows) Thank you. 

Audience: (boos louder) 

Host: (claps) 

Audience: (throws a barrage of shoes at Amiboshi and the Host) 

Amiboshi: (plays a long high note) 

Shoes: (hover in midair for a second, then drop to the ground) 

Amiboshi: (smiles at the Audience) 

Audience: (boos) 

Amiboshi: (lip trembles, turns and walks towards Suboshi) You people are mean... 

Host: (looks at the shoes on the ground) Hey, there's a nice pair! (picks up pair of shoes) 

Audience Member: Hey! Those are my shoes! 

Host: (hides shoes under shirt) What shoes? 

Audience Member: The ones you just hid under your shirt! 

Host: Oh. Those shoes. (takes shoes out from under shirt and drops them on the ground, walks away disappointed) 

Red Team: (walks out through door, Miaka and Yui are clamped onto Tamahome's arms and Nuriko is dragging Nakago by the cape and Soi by the hair) 

Nakago and Soi: (both look really beat up, clothes are torn, both have bloody noses, Nakago has a black eye, both have spiral eyes) 

Nuriko: (drags Nakago and Soi over to Amiboshi_ Umm, here. (drops them there and heads back towards the Red Team) 

Amiboshi: Uh, thanks... (sweatdrops) 

Host: (looks at Nakago and Soi, then turns to the Red Team and Yui) Did... you guys do that to them? 

Yui: Actually, no. They beat the crap out of each other for us. It was kinda funny... 

Miaka: Yui! They're your seishi! 

Yui: So? It doesn't mean I have to like them, does it? 

Miaka: Maybe you're right...! (points at Chichiri) In that case, I don't like you! (smiles) 

Chichiri: (looks at Miaka angrily) Fine. (turns) I'm leaving. 

Miaka: Wait! Don't go! I... I was just kidding! 

Chichiri: (sarcastically) Oh, in that case, I might as well just stay here since you were only kidding about hating me, no da! 

Miaka: (sighs relieved) Good, I thought you were actually going to leave... 

Chichiri: (stares at her, twitches) I... was... being sarcastic... 

Miaka: (eyes start to tear up) You mean you really are going to leave me? I thought you liked me! (sniffs) 

Chichiri: Hey! You're the one who said you didn't like me no da! Why should I stay?! (turns and starts to walk offstage) 

Miaka: (bawls) My own seishi is abandoning meee! (cries) 

Chichiri: (tries to ignore Miaka) 

Miaka: (cries harder) Chichiri's leaving me! 

Chichiri: (to self) Shut up Miaka... (pace slows) 

Miaka: (cries louder) 

Chichiri: (eye twitches, stops walking and turns around to face Miaka) Alright, ALRIGHT!! I won't leave! Are you happy now?! 

Miaka: (stops crying instantly) Yea! (smiles at him) 

Chichiri: (drags his feet while he walks slowly back to Miaka) Stupid miko... (grins, under his breath) I will put squid in your popcorn. (starts laughing evilly) 

Miaka: (blinks, shrugs, and starts laughing too) 

Everyone: (laughs with them) 

Tasuki: (to Nuriko, quietly) Why are we laughing? (laughs with Everyone) 

Nuriko: (shrugs and keeps laughing) 

Everyone: (slowly stops laughing) 

Host: Woo... (wipes a tear from his eye) Anyway, why don't we continue the game? 

Tamahome: (stands amid a group of girls fawning over him) Aww, do we have to? 

Miaka and Yui: (glare at him) YES. 

Tamahome: (sighs) Fiiine... (looks at one of the girls and smiles) I'll call YOU later. (winks) 

Girl: (faints) 

Miaka and Yui: (grind their teeth) 

Both Teams: (take their places) 

Yui: Hey! Two of my seishi are unconscious, and one is in a trance or something! (waves hand in front of Suboshi's face) 

Suboshi: (stands there) 

Yui: (to Host) I can't beat Miaka with them like this!! (sticks out bottom lip) 

Miaka: (grins widely) Does that mean you forfeit? 

Yui: (glares) NO! (glares at Nakago and kicks him) WAKE UP!! 

Nakago: (rubs his head) Oww... (blinks and stands up shakily) 

Yui: (takes Amiboshi's flute) 

Amiboshi: Hey! That's mine! 

Yui: (goes over to Soi and pokes her with the flute) Eeeww... wake up! 

Soi: (blinks a couple times, looks at Yui angrily) Hey! Don't poke me there!! 

Everyone: (looks at Yui) 

Yui: What are you talking about? I poked your arm! 

Soi: Right, and I said don't poke me there! 

Nakago: That's Soi's "special area". 

Soi: (stands up and kicks Nakago in the shin) You told!! 

Host: (sweatdrops) Can we... uh... just play the game please? 

Soi: (glares at Nakago) 

Yui: (takes her place with her shoulder under Suboshi's hand) 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Nakago: (stands next to Yui) 

Amiboshi: (stands nervously between Nakago and Soi) 

Host: Okay, we left off with it being Yui's turn to spin the... (dramatic music plays) ...Wheel of Sacrifice!! 

Yui: Crap, I thought he forgot about that... 

Nakago: Don't worry Lady Yui, I'll spin it for you. (walks towards the Wheel of Sacrifice, looks at it and gulps slightly) Help me, Seiryuu. (spins the Wheel of Sacrifice with all his might) 

Everyone: (watches the wheel spin) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (slows down) 

Nakago: (gulps, watches wheel) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (slows down, slowly passes spaces on wheel labeled 'Scorpion Pit' and 'Lava Dive') 

Nakago: (trembles slightly) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (passes 'Lion Taming', 'Alligator Wrestling', and 'Acid Bath') 

Nakago: (bites lip, closes eyes, quietly) Help me Seiryuu... 

Yui: (takes out a nail file) 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Red Team: (looks around, bored) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (slows down more...) 

Nakago: (holds his breath) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (slows down more, passes 'Human Lightning Rod') 

Nakago: (is still holding his breath) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (very, very slowly passes 'Crate of Spiders') 

Nakago: (turns slightly blue) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (inches towards 'Get Off Scotch-Free!') 

Nakago: (turns purple, eyes bug out ever so slightly) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (reaches 'Get Off Scotch-Free!' and stops) 

Red Team: Awwwwww! 

Yui: (keeps filing her nails) 

Nakago: (gasps for breath, breathes deeply and heavily) 

Wheel of Sacrifice: (turns back just so slightly to 'Crate of Spiders') 

Nakago: (eyes go wide) What? No! 

Host: (walks over to Nakago and wheel) Oh, too bad, it appears that you landed on Crate of Spiders! 

Red Team: (cheers) 

Host: First of all, you'll be covered with flies and other assorted bugs that are favorites to these spiders! Then you'll be put in a crate and the lid will be nailed on! Finally, the spiders will be poured in through a hole in the top of the lid! 

Audience and Red Team: (cheer) 

Nakago: (glares at Host, starts glowing blue, raises his hand towards Host and starts forming a chi ball) I don't think so. 

Host: But those are the rules. 

Nakago: (smirks wickedly and gets ready to launch a chi blast) Oh really? 

Host: (gulps, eyes go wide) Uh, I mean... (chuckles nervously) I... I was just kidding about the spiders and the crate and the bugs! Just a joke and all! (laughs nervously) 

Nakago: (smiles cruelly and lowers his hand) That's what I thought. 

Tamahome: Yawn! This is boring! Can we do something else? 

Miaka: I'm hungry! 

Nakago: (walks back over to Blue Team) 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) vHost: Okay, now it's time for the Red Team's second question. This one is for Tamahome. 

Tamahome: What? Why do I have to do anything? Do I have to? 

Host: YES. 

Tamahome: (groans) Fine... 

Host: Okay, here's your question: What is Soi's surname? Is it (a) Kean, (b) Kaen, (c) Whore - 

Soi: (glares) 

Host: - or (d) Soi? 

Tamahome: Oh, that's easy! It's - 

Miaka: You actually know her last name?! I bet you don't even know MY last name!! 

Tamahome: Of course I do! It's, umm... Hongo or something... 

Miaka: That's Yui's!! I can't believe you don't know my last name but you know Soi's and Yui's! 

Tamahome: No, no, come on! I was just kidding! Give me another chance! 

Miaka: (taps her foot impatiently) 

Tamahome: Um... (thinks) ...Araki? 

Miaka: No! That's my seiyuu's name! 

Tamahome: Right... I knew that! 

Host: What's a seiyuu? (blinks) 

Nuriko: You know, a voice actor, the person who does a character's voice on an animated show... 

Host: (gives Nuriko a puzzled look) 

Nuriko: (sighs) Never mind... 

Tamahome: Umm, let's see... it's not Kinomoto, it isn't Katsuragi or Masaki... is it Shidou? 

Miaka: (glares at him) 

Tamahome: I meant err um Saotome? 

Miaka: (glares) 

Tamahome: Himura? Asagiri? Morisato? Ikari? 

Miaka: I'm waiting. 

Tamahome: (sighs) I give up. I have no idea what your last name is, Miaka. 

Miaka: (angrily) It's Yuuki. 

Tamahome: Really? (laughs slightly) Man, I was way off! 

Miaka: (kicks Tamahome in the shin) 

Tamahome: (clutches shin, cries) Itai... 

Host: Ahem... will you just answer the question? 

Tamahome: Could you repeat it for me? 

Host: What is Soi's surname? Is it (a) Kean, (b) Kaen, (c) Whore, or (d) Soi? 

Tamahome: Hmmm... Soi Kean? ...No... Soi Kaen? Maybe. Soi Whore - 

Soi: (glares) You shouldn't even have to think about that one, you dumbass. (glares more) 

Tamahome: Eh heh heh... (sweatdrops) ...or is it Soi Soi? 

Miaka: I thought you said you knew the answer... 

Tamahome: Actually, I was lying! So that must mean I love you more than Soi, Miaka! (smiles) 

Miaka: No, that just means that you like to lie to me and that you can't remember names worth crap! 

Tamahome: (smile fades) Ohh. 

Host: Can I have an answer today please?? 

Tamahome: Okay, okay... it's definitely not C... 

Tasuki: Are you sure about that? (laughs) 

Soi: (glares furiously at Tasuki) 

Lightning Bolt: (strikes Tasuki) 

Amiboshi: (sweatdrops) Gee, Soi, don't you think that was a little severe? I mean, you are a whore, there's no denying that... 

Soi: (glares) Do you want to join him, flute boy? 

Amiboshi: (bites lip and shakes his head) 

Tamahome: And I'm pretty sure it's not D, because that would just be stupid... so the answer has to be either A or B... I'm not sure which it is... umm... let's see... A... B... Soi Kean or Soi Kaen... (hums Jeopardy music) Kean... Kaen... (looks at Soi) Hmm... is she a Kean or a Kaen... A or B... (to Host) Can I consult with team members? 

Host: Not unless you want the other team to automatically win... 

Tamahome: A... B... I can't decide! It's, umm, it's... A! Wait! No, no... it's B? Uhh... 

Chichiri: (twitches, through clearly clenched teeth) Just answer it already! 

Tamahome: (all whiny) I'm thinking! 

Chichiri: (eye gets huge) Think faster! I'm going insane! 

Tamahome: Coool... 

Chichiri: (through clenched teeth) If you don't guess now, I will kill you. 

Tamahome: Uh, jeez... (looks slightly scared) Okay, my answer is... (pauses) 

Everyone: (waits for Tamahome's answer) 

Chichiri: (starts to shake angrily) 

Tamahome: (looks at Chichiri nervously) 

Nuriko: (takes a couple side steps away from Chichiri) 

Tamahome: B!! I choose B! 

Chichiri: (relaxes) 

Host: Is that your final answer? 

Tamahome: (nods) 

Host: That is... 

Yui and Tamahome: (hold their breath) 

Host: Absolutely correct!!!! 

Tamahome: YESSS!! 

Yui: NOO! 

Host: The Red Team gets its second gold star. They're in the lead right now with two gold stars. The Blue Team currently has none. 

Yui: I hate this stupid game! 

Host: BUT they now have another chance at getting their first gold star. This question is for Suboshi. 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Host: Suboshi, your question is... (looks at his question card and blinks) What? This must be a mistake... (looks at card again) This can't be right... (to Everyone) Hang on a second, I need to go ask the producer something... (walks offstage and over to a guy, shows guy question) Is this some kind of joke? 

Producer: (looks at card) I don't think so. It's a legitimate question. 

Host: But... even an idiot knows the answer! 

Producer: Just ask the question. 

Host: (sighs) Fine... (walks back onstage, walks over to Blue Team) Okay Suboshi, here's your question. (reads card slowly) How many letters are there in the English word... "cat"? (sweatdrops) Is it (a) 2, (b) 3, (c) 4, or (d) none of the above? 

Red Team: What?! 

Nuriko: That's not fair! 

Tasuki: Give them all the easy ones! 

Miaka: I know the answer! 

Tamahome: See! Even Miaka can answer it! 

Miaka: (looks at Tamahome) Hey! 

Chichiri: You're making this up, no da! 

Host: It's... what the card says... (looks at Suboshi) Well, hurry up and answer already... 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Everyone: (waits) 

Yui: Umm... Suboshi? (waves hand in front of his face) Yoohoo... are you alive? 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Host: Err... 

Yui: (sweatdrops) I think you should probably ask someone else... eh heh... 

Host: Right... well, the correct answer was B, just for anyone that didn't know... 

Tasuki: It was? (sweatdrops) Heh... I thought it was C... 

Host: (stares at Tasuki for a moment) Right... (turns back towards Blue Team) Okay, since Suboshi appears to be unable to answer... 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Host: Nakago will receive a chance to win a gold star for the Blue Team. 

Nakago: Do not worry, Lady Yui, I will not fail you. 

Yui: Yeah, you better not. I'm not letting Miaka win this game! 

Host: Are you ready Nakago? 

Nakago: (nods) 

Host: Here's your question. How much money would you have if you had exactly 1,293,681.4 United States quarters? Is the answer (a) $420,325.35 (b) $332,420.35 (c) $323,420.35 or (d) $402,323.35? 

Nakago: (blinks) United what? 

Yui: United States quarters. A form of currency used in America. 

Nakago: How could I know that?? I've never even been to... Ah-mer-ih-kuh. This isn't fair. 

Yui: I'm Nakago, bitch, bitch, bitch. (frowns at him) I thought you said you were smart. 

Nakago: I am! Really! 

Yui: Uh huh, right... 

Host: Can you guys hurry it up? We're behind schedule... 

Nakago: I'm thinking, I'm thinking! 

Tamahome: Come on, come on! This is so easy! 

Nakago: Shut up! I was never good at math... (thinks) Let's see... carry the two... no, wait, that's not right... 

Tamahome: It' so simple! 

Chichiri: Boy, I wish I had 1,293,681.4 quarters, no da. 

Nuriko: (raises eyebrow) Why?? 

Chichiri: (shrugs) Just so I could say I had that many, no da. 

Nakago: Now multiply that by five... or do you divide? 

Amiboshi: Is there such a thing as 0.4 of a quarter? 

Host: (shrugs) I just read the questions. 

Yui: Hurry up! 

Tamahome: This is so incredibly easy! Even a complete moron could answer it! 

Miaka: I could answer it! 

Yui: Are you almost done?! Even Miaka knows the answer! 

Nakago: I... I'm still working on it... hang on... 

Tamahome: Hey slowpoke! Math retard! Hurry it up! 

Miaka: Yeah, you moron! 

Soi: Loser! 

Tasuki: Freak! 

Yui: Blonde! 

Chichiri: Imbecile! 

Nuriko: Weakling! 

Host: Idiot! 

Amiboshi: Pathetic excuse for a villain! 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Nakago: (eyes start to tear up) I... I don't like being pressured... 

Everyone: (chants) Faster! Faster! 

Nakago: (bottom lip quivers, room starts to spin around, shuts his eyes as tight as he can) I... I... 

Everyone: (chants) ANSWER!! 

Nakago: (scared and nervous) Alright, alright! The... the answer is... 

Everyone: (stares at him with black, soulless eyes) 

Nakago: (very quietly and nervously) The answer is C. 

Host: Come again? 

Nakago: THE ANSWER IS C! 

Everyone: (blinks at the outburst) 

Nakago: Well? Am I right? (takes a small step away from Yui) 

Host: (looks at card) Hmm. 

Nakago: (holds his breath) 

Host: Hmmmmmm. (studies his card intensely) Hm hm hmm. Hmmm. 

Nakago: (eyebrow twitches) 

Host: Well. 

Nakago: (eyes bug out ever so slightly) 

Host: The answer - 

Nakago: (eyes bug out just a little more) 

Host: -is - 

Nakago: (face turns a little red) 

Host: ...hmm... 

Nakago: (face turns darker red) 

Host: The answer is... 

Nakago: (makes his hands into fists, clenches and unclenches them) 

Host: Hm. 

Nakago: (bites his lip, turns a nice shade of violet) 

Host: It says on my card... 

Nakago: (eyes twitch) 

Host: The card I hold here in my hand... (proceeds to hold up the card and show it to the Audience) 

Nakago: (arms twitch uncontrollably) 

Host: It says on the card that I hold in my hand that the answer is... 

Nakago: (turns orange) 

Host: (strokes his chin, deep in thought) 

Nakago: (turns magenta) 

Host: Can I get a drum roll? That'd be a nice effect. 

Nakago: (grips his neck and proceeds to turn the following colors while accompanied by a nice drum roll: deep bluish purple, which slowly changes to bright yellow, followed by a strange grayish green color, then to red polka dots on a white background, then to a green and blue plaid pattern, then purple with orange swirls, followed by a rainbow pattern) 

Host: (silences the drum roll) Alright, that's enough. 

Nakago: (looks as though he is very near the point of bursting) 

Host: (unenthusiastically) The answer was C. He was right. 

Nakago: (gasps for large quantities of air) 

Yui: (grins and jumps up and down while clapping her hands) Yippee! 

Host: The Blue Team gets one gold star. 

Miaka: (looks around and blinks) Huh? What's on my face? 

Yui: I got a gold star! 

Chichiri: Actually, Nakago got the gold star. You did squat, no da. 

Yui: (glares at him) Fine then, my team got a gold star. 

Miaka: That's okay, I'm sure you'll catch up eventually. Maybe you'll even beat us. 

Red Team: (exchanges glances and bursts out laughing) 

Yui: (lip quivers angrily) S-SHUT UP! (glares at Red Team and crosses her arms) 

Staff Boy: (walks on to stage and over to Host, says something into his ear and points at his watch) 

Host: (with disbelief and surprise) Really? 

Staff Boy: (nods) 

Host: (breathes a sigh of relief and exhaustion) Finally. 

Staff Boy: (walks offstage) 

Host: (smiles uncontrollably as he addresses Both Teams and the Audience) I have been alerted by the producer... 

Amiboshi: That kid was the producer? 

Yui: (rolls her eyes) No, you dummy, that was just a Staff Boy. 

Amiboshi: Really? How can you tell he wasn't an Assistant or a Coffee Boy? 

Yui: It says so in the script. 

Amiboshi: Ohh. That makes sense. 

Host: (blinks a few times before continuing) ...that we have to go to a commercial break. 

Audience: (stands up and cheers) 

Host: (over Audience noise) We'll be back with more Seishi Feud and team member interviews after these messages from our sponsors. (smiles and waits for the cameras to go off) 

Assistant: (calls out) Four minutes! 

Tamahome: Four minutes until what? 

Nuriko: Four minutes until we come back from commercial break. 

Assistant: (calls out) No! Four minutes to see if we're going to be canceled or not! 

Nuriko: Oh. 

Tamahome: (sweatdrops) They can tell already? This is only our first break. 

Chichiri: The ratings people are tough when it comes to game shows, no da. 

Tasuki: How do you know? 

Chichiri: Ummmm... (quickly, in a suspicious manner) noreason. 

Host: (sighs and pulls an already lit cigarette out of his shirt pocket) 

Tamahome: (looks at Host) There are so many questions I could ask right now... the main one being: Why isn't your shirt on fire? 

Host: (looks at his shirt and shrugs) 

Miaka: (to Host, in an annoying, little-kid manner) Hey, don't you know that cigarettes are bad for you? There might be little kids out there watching you right now. You're setting a bad example! 

Host: (sighs) You're right, Suzie. 

Miaka: (glares) My name's Miaka. 

Host: Whatever. (to Audience) Listen kids, smoking is very bad for you. If someone offers you a cigarette, just say no. 

Yui: Wow, that was probably the most educational and redeeming part of the whole fic so far. 

Suboshi: (stares blankly, hand on Yui's shoulder) 

Amiboshi: (to Soi) You haven't said anything for a while. Are you okay? 

Nakago: Maybe she's dead. 

Soi: (glares at Nakago and opens her mouth to say something) S-- 

Assistant: (interrupts) One minute! 

Soi: (glares at the Assistant and opens her mouth to say something) W-- 

Chichiri: For our ratings? 

Assistant: No, for you to get ready to come back from commercial break. 

Soi: (glares at both of them and opens her mouth to say something) H-- 

Miaka: Already? I want something to eat! 

Soi: (glares at Miaka) D-- 

Amiboshi: Hey Soi! You know what i was thinking? We - 

Soi: (glares at Amiboshi) 

Amiboshi: -could - 

Soi: (electricity builds up around her) 

Amiboshi: (gulps) ...never mind. 

Yui: (to Assistant) How will we know if the show is canceled or not? 

Assistant: If they cancel us, they'll shut off the electricity and possibly lock all of the doors, windows, and air vents. (looks at his watch) We're on in five! ...four! ...three! ...two! ...one! Now! 

Cameras: (start rolling) 

Host: Welcome back to - 

Lights: (shut off) 

Someone: OH MY GOD! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! 

Someone Else: No we're not. 

Someone: Oh. My mistake. 

Yui: We got canceled?! But I didn't beat Miaka yet! 

Assistant: Just kidding! 

Lights: (come back on) 

Everyone: (glares at Assistant) 

Assistant: (meekly) Sorry. 

Host: Anyway, welcome back to Seishi Feud. The Red Team is currently winning with a score of two to one over the Blue Team. We're going to take time now to introduce the team members from both sides. (walks over to the Red Team) 

Yui: Hey! Why does Miaka's team get to be interviewed first?! 

Miaka: Because we're better! 

Tamahome: Because we're winning! 

Chichiri: Because we're smarter! (looks at his Teammates and sweatdrops) Well, at least I'm smarter. 

Tasuki: Because red comes before blue! 

Nuriko: Because - (looks at Tasuki) What did you say? 

Tasuki: Red comes before blue. 

Nuriko: How do you figure that one? 

Tasuki: Red has three letters and blue has four. That would make red come before blue. (smiles with childish delight) 

Nuriko: (stares at Tasuki) 

Host: ...SOO, since we introduced the Mikos at the beginning of the show, we'll skip Miaka and go to Tamahome. It says here - 

Tamahome: Here? Where's 'here'? 

Host: ...On my card. 

Tamahome: (looks at Host suspiciously) What card? 

Host: The one in my hand! 

Tamahome: (looks at the card in his hand) Oh. Okay. Continue. 

Host: It says here that you're an avid money collector and someday you want to marry Miaka. How - 

Tamahome: Shh. Not so loud. (looks down at the ground, ashamed) 

Host: -sweet. Would you like to add anything to that? 

Tamahome: Yes. I'm an Asian male, seventeen, I like money, candle lit dinners, and long walks on the beach. I'm looking for friendship, possibly more. My phone number is - 

Miaka: Hey!! 

Tamahome: (shrugs) It was worth a shot... I'm also fluent in Japanese! 

Host: (takes a deep breath) Oookay. (to Chichiri) Let's see. It says that you're a very skilled monk and when you were younger, you killed your best friend over a girl. (to Producer) Hey, I thought we screened people for this show! 

Producer: (shrugs) Not my job. 

Host: (to Chichiri) Well, do you have anything to add to that? (adds quietly) Murderer. 

Chichiri: (blinks back tears) Hikou... I wasn't even thinking about that. It... it wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to... (bottom lip quivers) 

Host: Sure you didn't. Next person... pyro boy. 

Tasuki: (waits for Host to continue, looks at him questioningly when he doesn't) 

Host: (shrugs) That's all it says. (to Nuriko) And last we have the freakishly strong cross dresser. 

Nuriko: Can I add anything? 

Host: (thinks) Mmm... no. 

Nuriko: (crestfallen) Oh. 

Host: Now it's time to meet the losers... I mean, the Blue Team! 

Yui: (dryly) Nice cover up. 

Host: (smiles) I thought so too! It says here that Suboshi tends to have an explosive anger and that he would protect Yui, even if it would result in his own death. Isn't that sweet. Do you have anything to add to that, Suboshi? 

Suboshi: (closes his eyes sagely, his hand still on Yui's shoulder, and finishes his sentence) ...together. 

Host: (blinks) What? That doesn't make any sense. 

Suboshi: Huh? (looks around) We're still here? 

Host: (to Nakago) It says here that you are the head of the Kutou army, and (squints at his card) that your favorite band is... (coughs, tries not laugh) NSYNC. (bursts out laughing) 

Everyone: (laughs at Nakago) 

Nakago: WHAT?!? I DO NOT! Give me that! (grabs the Host's card, reads over it to self) Army of Kutou, favorite band NSYNC... (looks at the card closer) Hey! (glares at Tamahome) This is your handwriting! 

Tamahome: Nuh-uh. 

Nakago: Yes it is! Don't lie! 

Tamahome: Fine. I did it. You know what else I did? (holds up a CD) Hmm, what could this be? Chichiri, could you read what it says on this CD? 

Chichiri: Certainly. (reads CD) It appears to be an NSYNC CD... property of... (grins) I can't seem to make out the name. Nuriko? Could you read it please? 

Nuriko: (grins) I'd be delighted. Let's see... it says... property of Nakago. 

Everyone: (laughs) 

Nakago: (hisses to Tamahome) Where did you get that?! 

Tamahome: (takes the CD in his hands and bends it back and forth) 

Nakago: (whispers angrily) If you break it, I'll kill you! Give it back! 

Tamahome: Hmm? What was that? 

Nakago: (starts to glow) 

Tamahome: Now now, if you so much as touch me, then snap! It's bye bye bye, CD. 

Nakago: You wouldn't. 

Tamahome: Try me. 

Nakago: (charges up a chi blast) 

Everyone: (takes cover) 

Tamahome: Don't push me. 

Nakago: Oh, I don't plan on pushing you. Maiming you maybe, killing you even, but not pushing. 

Tamahome: That's it, say farewell to Lance, J.C., Joey, Chris, and Justin. (breaks the CD in half with a loud SNAP!) 

Nakago: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

Tamahome: (drops the pieces on the ground) 

Nakago: (tears stream down his face) How could you! How could you... 

Miaka: (picks up one of the CD pieces) Hey, wait a minute, this doesn't say 'Property of Nakago', it says 'Property of - 

Tamahome: No, Miaka, don't say it!! 

Miaka: -Genrou'. 

Tasuki: (blinks) Wh-what? (looks at Tamahome, then at the CD) That was... m-my CD? You broke... MY CD?? You broke... (bursts into tears) 

Nakago: (glares at Tamahome, wipes away his tears) You lied to me and made me look like a fool. You are SO going down! 

Tamahome: Eh-heh... gotta go! 

Nakago: (lunges at Tamahome and manages to grab his collar) 

Tamahome: Eek! Let me go! Someone help me! 

Tasuki: (bawls) 

Nakago: (drags Tamahome offstage) 

Host: Hey! Where are you going? We have a show to do here! 

Nakago: Don't worry, this will only take a second. 

Tamahome: Isn't anyone going to help me?? 

Cricket: (chirps) 

Person: (unknowingly steps on the Cricket) 

Everyone: (waits) 

Nakago: (comes back onstage, dusting himself off) 

Host: Uhh... where's Tamahome? 

Nakago: (ignores the question) 

Tasuki: (sniffs while staring at the remnants of the broken CD) 

Host: ...Now we're at the talented flute player, Amiboshi. 

Suboshi: Talented? Ha! 

Amiboshi: (glares at Suboshi) I liked you better when you weren't talking. (to Host) Can I play a song? I promise it won't take long. 

Host: Well... (turns to Audience) What do you say? 

Audience: NO! 

Host: (sweatdrops, turns back to Amiboshi) Sorry. (to Soi) It says here that... I'd better not say anything unless I want to be electrocuted. 

Soi: I don't think I need to add to that. (glares at no one in particular) 

Host: (gulps) Well then, I guess we're ready to start the next part of our show. 

Tamahome: (comes back on the stage, breathing heavily and looking very banged up and bruised) Heh... (pants) That was funny, Nakago... (pants) I really liked how you threw me into traffic like that... (pants) I'll get you back for this... (collapses onto the ground between Miaka and Chichiri) 


End file.
